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UPDATE: (2008 12-01) Since I prefer to be a bit more open, I made all my fics, poetry, friend appreciation posts, and less newsy ponderings public today. Hopefully that will be a good balance. Thanks for visiting and please do comment or message if you'd like to say hello.
Namárië & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Happy
- The Soundtrack:Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
All day today I have had this dreadful, heavy, gut prescience of doom thing, going. Like something really bad is about to happen, or I have done something exceptionally regrettable, or, like, once again, a decision I made with extreme care, research, and deliberation, nevertheless turned out to be the dumbest idea ever (like buying a Chevy Malibu instead of a manual transmission Ford Fiesta).
I have been trying to put my finger on what it is, but I can't seem to pin it down.
Obviously I am pretty much a mess re: the job situation. With no certainty in the current job, and no offers for something new, I've had almost a year's worth of stress over it. All the while I've been squatting in my sister's basement - something I promised myself would NOT happen, and the reason I was trying to buy that condo last year (which is, you'll recall, when my boss clued me in that corporate plans were uncertain to say the least, and ultimately was forced to cut my pay by another $3,000).
Normally, if I decide to look for a job, I get an interview very quickly, and if I interview for a job, I generally get it. Who knows what the reason is? It isn't for lack of trying, I can tell you that.
But those are the hamsters who have been running on a wheel in my brain, not the monkeys in my gut. I know things happen when and how they are supposed to. So when it comes to monkeys, the only thing I can think of is politics. An area that was never particularly at the forefront of my mind until 2007. And as I discovered during that process, the wisdom you gain from one type of conflict doesn't always translate in a new arena. Therefore I have been learning and relearning the same things again and again. I have strong feelings about things and I feel sometimes that I'd like to share them, but the fact is, it goes against my gut to do that.
Oh yeah, the monkeys are all jumping around, now, that's it.
The conflict is this:
I want to be heard about what my truth is, along with the natural human desire that people agree with me, and in the case of political viewpoints, my feeling that if people don't agree with me on certain things, we're all in deep trouble.
Against this:
The uncompromising knowledge that my truth isn't always other people's truth, and people can't be persuaded when it comes to their personal truth. it is what it is. That is why being "involved in politics" for me means signing people up to vote and signing petitions I agree with and/or contacting my representatives. I will not call people, or knock on doors, or ask for money.
Also, although some people enjoy a good debate, for many that unfortunately translates to "I can eviscerate my opponent with my facile brain, eloquence, knowledge and wit (read: sarcasm)". There are very few people (only a handful I can think of) who I actually enjoy exchanging viewpoints with, when it comes to deeply held beliefs, and that is because they are curious about what I think and why I think it, and enjoy sharing what they think and why they think it without ever demeaning my beliefs in the process. The fact is, I am my beliefs, so it is really hard to go back and forth with a friend whose aim I interpret (possibly wrongly) as being to tear them up (nobody's behavior on this flist applies, fyi, and even the thing that caused the monkeys was a mild experience that was just a warning from the universe, and not a big deal). My beliefs won't change. I may gain new facts from a debate that will shape them, but most of my political beliefs are based on my bone deep spiritual beliefs, and you just aren't touching those. It ain't gonna happen.
And then, as much as I am generally a kind and supportive person who wants the greatest joy and happiness for everyone I know, I am fully capable of getting defensive, frustrated, hurt, and downright cranky when my most dear beliefs are not only challenged but I perceive them to be disrespected and/or belittled by a debate partner. And I do kitty-swipe back with my facile brain, eloquence, knowledge and wit (read: sarcasm). I am not proud of it. Even today, with a mild and civil exchange, I got monkeys. My discomfort with the entire thing, and my embarrassment and shame about not behaving the way I generally choose to, breeds the darn things, and honestly, I have enough wildlife roaming around the inner workings as it is. The brain hamsters, the plot bunnies, the butterflies...kitty swiping and the monkeys that leads to are really just too much.
You all know how dedicated I am to LGBT equality, and I can't promise never to mention or post about that, or something else that is heavily on my mind, but I promise you this, I am done debating. I wish there was a way to get the good information that I often receive from these exchanges without feeling gut monkeys afterwards. And I am sure I am taking it all way too personally, but in the case of those deeply held beliefs, it's hard not to. So, if you catch me kitty-swiping, remind me about the monkeys I don't want. Friends don't let friends unsheathe. And I am strictly minimizing the political sharing to guard against the possibility henceforth, (I've said that before, I realize, but apparently I require reminding).
Namarie & Namaste, Dear Ones
Estellye
Now, you might think that I'm all melancholy and in need of medication, or a kick in the ass, or whatever, but in actuality, I have blown right past "well, shit, I'm 45 and what the hell have I done?" to the point where I am like, in the immortal words of Kaylee "...hell with this, I'm gonna live!" I'm not sure where it came from. No adorable fugitive doctor has volunteered to have sex with me if I can manage to not get skewered to death by Reavers in the next fifteen minutes. *pause to contemplate*
*ok moving on*
I've just had it. Really, it's so stupid. I have had plenty of momentous things happen to me, more than many people get in their lifetimes, and I can have more if I just move my frigging butt even a little. I am not going to take a job and be grateful for a salary that isn't what I'm worth. I'm going to double my miniscule salary because I am experienced and talented and I deserve it. Then I am going to buy the condo I thought I was going to buy last May when I was informed my company was going to more or less transition out of needing a me. This has been one heck of a transition, sheesh!
Also, I am an artist for heaven's sake. I am a writer, and an artist, and I am not creating squat outside of work. So I have been contemplating this curriculum for an art class for, like, 20 years or so, and I have informed my local family that they are all taking the class from me this summer. All of them. Sister, brother-in-law, college nephew, high school nephew, middle school nephew, ex husband, and maybe a few other friends, too. I think everyone can learn to draw, and that doing so breaks open new pathways in the brain that make exceptional things happen, and it doesn't even matter if you think you're completely uncreative or you think you're Rembrandt (whose work Shelley took me to see for my birthday and really - gah - that's all I can say. My eyes didn't know what to do with all the awesome).
Also And - the novel gets finished even if I can only squeak out 200 words a day and they all suck. Nobody else is going to write the darn thing, and that is just a fact.
Meanwhile, back at the life evaluation, all the momentous has been there all along. I was there when the music was so lovely that the last note broke my heart open and left me in awe of being part of it. I was there more than once when I met a friend I could have sworn I'd met before and known all my life. I was there when I suddenly realized I wanted this, and I kissed him back. I was there when after years of practice something just clicked in my brain and my eyes started seeing things in a completely different way that left me breathless. I was there when for no apparent reason I just started running because I was happy. I was there when rainbows filled the sky for a week as if she was saying goodbye. I was there when I held my nephew for the first time and unlike any other baby I'd held before, my whole being said, "this one is mine!" I was there when I sat at her feet and realized I was meant to be there learning. I was there when I believed I could conduct the rain like a symphony. I was there when we talked all night and went for a walk to watch the sun rise. I was there when he gave me the gift of truth that was tearing him up inside. I was there with the fairies on the mountain. Who can ask for a life better than this?
Namarie & Namaste, Dear Ones!
Estellye
There was an article in the paper this morning (Yes, the actual paper, not the online version. I feel so retro), about the North Carolina Sufraggette, Gertrude Weil.
Here's a bit of unpleasant North Carolina history: The 19th amendment had been ratified by 35 of the necessary 36 states needed to make it law. At that time, 63 of the 120 North Carolina legislators signed a letter to the legislature in Tennessee, urging them to vote against the amendment. Tennessee, bless their hearts, became the 36th state to ratify the amendment making 1920 the landmark year in women's rights that it is. North Carolina, meanwhile, tabled the vote, and didn't add their support until 50 years later. FIFTY. That would be 1970, people.
Unfortunately, it often feels that little has changed in this fair state I call home. We are currently under national scrutiny here in my county for reversing the mandate to desegregate schools by busing. We will also be voting on a referendum as to whether to change our state constitution to define marriage as consisting of one man and one woman. This move, naturally, is intended to make it harder for LGBT couples to gain recognition of their families and equal rights under the law, since changing the constitution is a cumbersome and difficult process.
Lets not just be discriminatory, lets go right ahead and write the discrimination directly into the constitution. I mean, if it's in the constitution, then it's not really lacking in humanity, it's just law, right?
Still, it's a good place to live, if frustrating at times for progressives like myself.
Namarie & Namaste
Estellye
The original quote was:
“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel" ~ John Quinton
While that's sadly true and a somewhat amusing but cynical observation, it is not particularly helpful as inspiration. The quote I added is actually Neal Donald Walsh paraphrasing John Quinton:
“when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is not beneficial to go out and build more tunnel."
Because his parents ratted him out to the establishment, they hauled the poor kid onto the stage and roped him into one of their games. He looked so self conscious and soooo like he wanted to be anywhere else - not too shy or scared or anything, just really 13. But at heart Kevin is a bit of a ham, lol. He has fun entertaining people and making them laugh.
In the game, the audience had to select a historical event and then list three things that were there at the event while one of the improv team went out of the room. Then the rest of the improv group did an "interpretive dance" and their teammate had to guess what the historical event and the list of things were.
The event was the War of 1812, and the three things were "ramparts", "ship", and "dead people". Kevin was supposed to be the dead people - LMAO. The guy who handles lights and sound and is known as "The Voice" (since he occasionally provides commentary as a disembodied voice), must have an incredible library of music, because when he queued it up for the "interpretive dance" it was "The 1812 Overture". That was hilarious on it's own, because: 1. its funny that he would play that humongous hint; and 2. because its so dramatic it just automatically made the whole thing that much more ludicrous.
In his role as dead people (heh), Kevin would stand there for a moment and then he'd fall over dead, lay still awhile, then get up and calmly move to another part of the stage and fall over dead again. I wish I could describe to you his multiple death scenes because he was awesome! He had this great deadpan expression on his face, but you could see he thought it was funny, because he had that devilish Kevin glint in his eyes, lol. When he fell over dead, he just crumpled like all his joints had been disassembled.
You had to be there, I guess. Shelley was laughing so hard she was crying. Greg took pictures, I hope they came out.
Heh!
Have a good weekend dear ones!
Namarie & Namaste
Estellye
Here is a preview:
I am sure most of my Tolkien fandom friends have already seen this beautiful masterwork of calligraphy, but in case it hasn't already made the rounds, I don't want anyone to miss it.
*WANTS*
As a side note, the person who sent this to me is not particularly a Tolkien fan (he is a calligraphy fan), and yet, he titled the email simply "Sil". I knew immediately what it was pertaining to, and then did a double take because I realized who it was that was utilizing fandom shorthand. When I mentioned that, he told me that he had asked himself, "What would a Tolkien nerd call the Silmarillion?".
Five points for Ravenclaw! And 3 points taken away for calling me a nerd. ;)
Namárië & Namaste Dearhearts!
Estellye
I just wanted to post this on Facebook, but Mayor Koch doesn't blog, he just sends out an old-school mass email, so there was nothing to link to. Facebook did not like my copy/paste method, so I had to post to my LJ.
Ed Koch Commentary
August 29, 2011
( Read more... )
"Today is Good News Friday."
So let's say two fictional people are in love, but fictional person number one has a severe emotional and physical trauma and wakes up lacking about two years of his life (basically remembering only the things that happened prior to another emotional and physical trauma that happened in the actual story as told by it's creators). Anyway, fictional person number two finds herself loving a person who doesn't remember ever meeting her, and it got me thinking about Memory and Relationships. I came to the following conclusion:
Relationships are nothing BUT memory.
When we first meet someone, we interact with them based on our collected experiences and the storehouse of memories of other relationships we have had ,with all the attendant baggage and emotional evolution that entails. I am talking here about romantic love, but it pertains to every kind of relationship, from love, to friendship, to the guy at the check out counter at the local grocery store. That means that my fictional person number one met his lover for the first time, twice. Once after all the experiences of a huge ordeal and the aftermath of those experiences, and once as though those two years never happened. That basically makes him an entirely different person.
Meanwhile person number two has all her memories of their love affair, which makes her an entirely different person from when she met her lover the first time, too.
I was imagining what it might feel like to lose a lover that way, not through a break-up and not through a death, but through an erasure of everything that was shared and created together and stored as memory. If our shared memories are no longer shared, then where does that leave us?
With the usual sort of break up, we know that all the memories are still shared, and whatever form the relationship takes after the love affair is over is based on all those shared memories. Any interaction we have with that person is rich with a wealth of meaningful associations.
With a death, we grieve the loss of a human being with whom we shared experiences and made memories. Even though the person who remains is the only holder of the memories, and the other person is gone from the experience of sharing them, those memories live on unchallenged.
But what if the memories are lost but the person lives on? With the assumption that the feeling of love is based on those memories that are shared, if they are no longer shared, then does the person who still retains the memories still love the person who has lost them, or do they simply love the memories? Is there a difference?
That got me thinking about dementia and Alzheimer's disease. When we care for a friend, spouse, parent or grandparent whose shared memories with us are disappearing, they are becoming a different person. Those memories shaped who they are, so without them, who are they? We struggle to keep the memories alive because without them we have no relationship, just a loss more heartbreaking than death. The person we love is still there, but they aren't the person we love, they are someone else. In order to cope, and in order to be a caregiver, the memory holder has to create a fiction to hang on to, in a way. Well, in a spiritual sense it wouldn't be fiction, since I believe our eternal self retains memories our mind may lose, but while we are in our bodies, maintaining that there is a love relationship without both parties sharing the memories is essentially fiction.
At least, that was my conclusion. Without memory, there is no relationship. Scary Monsters.
Namarie & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Thoughtful
- The Soundtrack:Evergreen
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isilinde84 posted a link on her LiveJournal to this wonderful blog entry. I highly recommend it.This man gives me so much hope at a time when the news is focused on the actions of people - good, loving people - some of whom I know, respect and even greatly admire
As a young person I was "tolerant", but when I started meeting and actually getting to know some of my LGBT contemporaries, I realized that tolerant wasn't really enough. Tolerant may be a step in the right direction, but in many cases, it's still judgment. It's "I judge your life, but I am willing to allow it." Wow! Who did I think I was? Not following the example of the Master Teacher, that's for sure.
I see how they suffer the hate, abuse, or even the well intentioned tolerance of those who refuse, or haven't yet had an opportunity, to try and understand. I see the inner turmoil as many of them struggle with how God made them because it contradicts with their own faith upbringing. When I began to see these things, I asked God: "Please don't give me any gay children, because life is challenging enough as it is." I didn't want my child to be burdened by more challenges right at the outset.
Then I met a woman who opened her home to her gay child and all her child's disowned, parent-less friends, and I revised my prayer. "Please God, if not having a gay child means a gay child somewhere won't be accepted by their own parents, then give them to me and I will love them and all their friends, too."
Well, I wasn't blessed with children of my own at all, and divorced at 43 with no current husband prospect, it's unlikely that I will be, but God finds His own way to answer all prayers. I was given the great honor to be there for a younger friend who was struggling with his sexuality. His parents are just wonderfully loving people who could never even consider disowning him, but they still believe that in order to be right with God he needs "fixing" in some way. He really needed a friend who truly believes he is absolutely perfect just as he was created. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone who meets him not seeing what a gorgeous soul he is. I am humbled every time I realize that I was able to be a supportive friend for him and his beautiful heart when he needed it.
Having him in my life has made me so much more motivated to be there for people who find their God-created selves judged by people with good intentions as sinful for any reason. Because of that, other friends have felt safe enough to come out to me about any number of things, and that has been my privilege.
You see, people who are so terrified of what they don't understand that they are violent or cruel aren't the biggest problem. A hater can be dismissed, not taken personally. Even when they perpetrate tragedy, a hater causes horrible damage and grief, but they don't make anyone feel like less than they are. But a good person, particularly one we look up to, believing we are wrong for being how we are, is like a knife in the heart.
I have told this story before, and yes, I am proud to have been able to be the person who was there at the right time with the right words to support another human being (particularly one I love to distraction), but I don't mean to say I am somehow better or wiser than anyone. I am anyone, we are all part of the same everyone, and I will always be growing and evolving about a quarter as much as I am screwing up massively. And I guess that is the point. We are all one family, and if our family doesn't love us for who we are, who will?
If I can make amends, at least maybe I can minimize the damage I do. And like the man in this article, I am sorry. I am so sorry for any pain my well intentioned but destructive tolerance may cause. It seems to me this world has room for Truth to be a fluid thing. I think that is why Jesus gave us the commandment that trumps all other commandments: Love one another. Whenever we do anything unloving, we move away from Truth. That is equally the case for everyone who makes the error of attempting to weigh and measure another human being's relative location on the stairway to heaven. I know when I allow my frustration to give way to judgment of those who do not support my point of view on matters that are this close to my heart, I fall into that trap sometimes. It's not my intention, but it happens, and for that I sincerely apologize as well.
Namárië & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Pensive
- The Soundtrack:(Love is a) Blind Ambition - Concrete Blonde
I first saw Lingalad perform at the 2006 "Gathering of the Fellowship" in Toronto. Their existing CD's are staples on my playlist: "Voci dalla Terra di Mezzo" ("Voices from Middle Earth"), "Il Canto degli Alberi" ("The Singing of the Trees"), and "Lo Spirito delle Foglie" (The Spirit of the Leaves"). Please visit their website, here to listen to samples of their music.
The really endearing thing was the greeting Giuseppe used in my email "Ciao Amica di Elfi" ("Hello Friend of Elves"). Hee! *dies of the cute* (you see, my email address includes my old LOTR message board nickname, Elfriend).
Please enjoy this video "Il Vecchio Lupo" (The Old Wolf).
Namárië & Namaste and Ciao Amici di Elfi
Estellye
- The Groove:Tickled
- The Soundtrack:Il Vecchio Lupo - Lingalad
How did I get so fortunate as to have such exceptionally wonderful people choose to share bits of their lives with me?
We use the words exceptional and wonderful all the time, along with amazing, awesome, fantastic, and great. I think we forget what all those words actually mean. It's all cliche. Words are blatantly inaccurate and in every way unsatsifactory, but unless I perfect empathic mind melds in the next five minutes, I'll have to muddle through with them.
The thing is, when I think of each of you, or remember those of you who are no longer (or are seldom) part of my life, I fill up. None of you seem to have a blinking clue how luminescent and beautiful you are, or the just plain ridiculous levels of brilliance you have just by existing as your own unique combination of genetics, quirks and whatnot in the first place. Then you go and do something lovely or mind boggling or silly and I just fall in love with every damn thing about you.
How is it remotely possible that you don't know it? How can you doubt yourself for even a single second?
Sure, I was inspired to write this by the magnificence of a particular person doing the life-changing-wisdom-and-grace thing she pulls out of her hat seemingly out of nowhere and pretty darn regularly, but the fact is, while I am writing this, you're all passing through my mind in all your individual glory. All of you. I see your faces in my mind and I fill up...my heart...my eyes. Maybe I am just a particularly sappy individual - ok, yeah, I am, I know I am, but that doesn't make it any less true.
I think of all the times I wasn't there, flaked out, made your life harder, hurt you, or just plain sabotaged the crap out of our lives making the messes I am prone to make. I am so grateful that you believed in me. You make me worth it just by thinking it so. You do. You make me a better person. You.
I also think of all you've been through, and you have all been through it. Some of it hurts so bad we should be dead from the hurting, but you aren't. Some of it is hilarious or glorious, or sweet - you've all made my face hurt from smiling too much. Some of what has happened is just a downright miracle and makes me believe in the greatness of what is beyond us. Some of it is pure magic. Maybe you don't think of those little serendipitous moments as magical, but when I watch you having them, or I'm having them with you, I know different, and I want so much to show you what I see.
Maybe you think I'm not talking about you. You'd be wrong about that.
Namárië & Namaste my loves
Estellye
- The Groove:Grateful
- The Soundtrack:Tu - Shakira
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throwthebottle started by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
meneleth even though it isn't what I thought I was going to write, and probably isn't exactly what was intended for the community. I am actually rather pleased with how it turned out, though, so I thought I'd share it on my own journal, too. It's just a snippet of fiction. - Estellye- The Groove:Restless
- The Soundtrack:Message in a Bottle - The Police
faerlyn_darkelf posted these wonderful videos and I wanted to be sure the rest of my flisters got a chance to see them. They really made me happy in a tissue-needing kind of way. I hope you enjoy them, too! Now if only I could stave off this flu-or-whatever-it-is, then everything would be shiny.
Namárië & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Shiny
- The Soundtrack:Zig Zag Dance - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
My father's home backs up to the school grounds of the elementary school where I attended K-5 and where he was school principal for many years.
While visiting Papa last week, Kevin, my youngest nephew, wandered off into the fields by the school. Apparently some teacher or other didn't recognize him and therefore contacted a truant officer. When "apprehended" the suspect claimed to be from China where school was presently out of session. A likely story!
Needless to say, Dad got a knock on the door. Opening it, he discovered one skeptical officer with a sheepish Kevin in tow, at which point the miscreant's tale was corroborated and he won his release on condition of school ground avoidance for the duration.
LMAO!
- The Groove:Silly
- The Soundtrack:The Wall - Pink Floyd
As an example, there was a couple traveling with a small baby stuck in the terminal. Baby was hungry, so Mommy was arranging herself to nurse in public, which means rummaging for blankets, and then under blankets, lol. This was not speedy enough for the little guy's liking so he started to show signs of letting loose with a major fit. Daddy scooped up his son and gave him a little one man carnival ride that surprised Baby into happy distraction from the empty tummy situation. Not only was it successful, it was cute as heck and Daddy seemed to be completely enjoying it.
I thought, "Awww, how sweet!" and, "what a lucky family to have so much love."
Mommy appreciated it, I could see that she did, but she was probably tired from travel, and frustrated by the hassles of public nursing, so she got snappish with Daddy when he didn't psychically know she needed an extra pair of hands to keep from flashing the terminal. After that their discussion devolved into bickering.
I thought, "what a waste of an opportunity for a totally blissful moment."
Why do we do it? Why do humans take the most important relationships in our lives and not only stop noticing the awesome, but pick at every little thing? It goes against our own self interest and our desire to create a happy life for ourselves and for the partner (or friend/family member) we theoretically love and want to make joyful. Instead we assume the person is there for our convenience, and if their behavior doesn't reflect a total focus on our every unstated need we feel slighted, unloved and let down. Hmmm, kind of like a hungry baby...
If we take a step back and look at ourselves and our relationships objectively we'll discover that 99.9% of those behaviors are not specifically designed to hurt us, but that is how we react to them. No wonder so many couples end up in a hostile breakup! Who can keep loving a person who never expects the best of them, and never shows appreciation for them?
Ok, I'm not saying that I never get snappish or take out my frustrations on the people around me. It happens. Also, from time to time I'll lose patience with a loved one's behavior and lash out (granted, a tongue lashing from me isn't all that scary, lol). And yeah, thus far I have ended every partner relationship I've had, so I clearly don't have all the answers. But I think I can safely claim that the lack of criticism and blame I dish out may account for why I am on exceptionally good terms with my exes.
It also correlates pretty strongly with the lack of criticism and blame I receive. Isn't it much easier to see the best in people who are constantly pointing out and supporting our strengths rather than criticizing what they perceive as our faults?
Couldn't Mommy have smiled at Daddy's antics with Baby and enjoyed that moment, recognizing it as a lovely example of what she got into this for to begin with? Wouldn't it have been hard to blame Daddy for the slipping blanket after that kind of appreciative thought? I think a laughing, "Oops! Hon, I need a hand before I flash these good people over here." would have been the natural response following that sort of appreciation, and it's a response that would support everyone's joy.
Anyway, lol...
Namárië & Namaste and Happy New Year, Dearests!
Estellye
PS: The title is a quote from the film "Serenity" delivered by David Krumholtz as Mr. Universe.
- The Groove:appreciative
- The Soundtrack:I Want to Thank You - Natalie Merchant
It occurs to me that this is quite likely an inaccurate portrayal of what such a being would experience if they existed. Naturally, use of the theme itself is important to the tales and therefore quite appropriate. I am not suggesting that the authors have made an error that should be corrected, I am merely pointing out what I perceive to be an inconsistency between the portrayal and what reality might look like.
It's understandable why this would be what we humans would expect of an incomprehensibly old being. This is our experience in our later years. We tend to retreat from the present moment and review our lives in preparation for leaving them behind. And that is the difference! An immortal being is not leaving in the same sense we are preparing for in our old age. In the case of Tolkien's elves they were in fact leaving and returning to where they originated, which would explain a certain amount of dwelling upon the past, but not the grief, not really.
It seems to me that the acquisition of wisdom leads to more of a detachment from extreme emotions as we are given a perspective to see that all things play themselves out in time and nothing is as earth shattering as we thought it was in our youth. It also leads to a focus on and appreciation of the present moment. If we have eternity to gain wisdom, why would this general trend reverse itself? I don't think it would.
One of the other themes that comes up in fiction about immortals is far more likely to be accurate to my way of thinking. They tend to have an innate joyfulness (that comes from living in the moment) combined with detachment that can be perceived as an uncaring attitude, much as faeries are often portrayed. What we humans, bogged down in our dramas, perceive as cruelty is in fact a pragmatic understanding of any long-lived being: this too shall pass. We think they must be monstrously hateful creatures to find our tragedies so untroubling, and so we ascribe to them a desire to do us harm which is simply not the case.
We aren't particularly troubled by the passing of a butterfly. When a newly fledged butterfly was released in the butterfly conservatory and made it's first landing on my nephew Kevin, he was afraid and shook his arm reflexively. The little butterfly with it's wings still drying couldn't survive the resulting impact with the ground. This made us sad, but we played it down so Kevin's heart wouldn't break. The conservatory worker said that the butterfly would have been dead in a few hours, anyway. In a few minutes Kevin was out petting the donkey in another part of the museum grounds and having a lovely time. This didn't make him a heartless boy, it made him a human who had, at the time, 6 whole years worth of wisdom to draw from. This made him enormously long lived in comparison to a butterfly.
I am going to have to rewrite this one later, lol. I really don't think I am expressing what I meant to say very well. But I am remaining untroubled about the matter and just staying in the moment like a wise 42 year old should. ;)
Namárië & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Content
- The Soundtrack:Good Enough - Evanescence
People are agitated and disturbed not by things, but by the opinions they have about things.
( On the merits of non-agitation )
Namárië & Namaste
Estellye
- The Groove:Pondering
First of all, it's eldritchhobbit 's birthday tomorrow...I don't know if I'll be able to get online, so I will post my good wishes today.
Happy Birthday, Amy! May the year be filled with endless opportunities for joy, and may it be a time of good health and prosperity for you and yours! 
The Kingdom of Shadows by Anne-Julie Aubrey
Also, I have been pondering comings and goings. Many people are traveling for the holidays, but it seems we come and go, shift and migrate, online and geographically.
As I was pondering the many meetings and the many farewells I have experienced and will continue to experience, I found myself thinking about the way I sign most of my posts, "Namárië & Namaste." I have translated in the past, and I've said that I feel they mean the same thing, but I've never addressed it in any particular depth.
Namaste is appropriate for both greeting or parting. It is from the sanskrit words for "Bow" and "To You", however it has taken on a far more complex meaning than it's root words can express on their own. My favorite translation of Namaste is this:
"I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One."
But there are many others, including:
"I honor the Spirit in you which is also in me."
"All that is best and highest in me salutes all that is best and highest in you."
and
"The light within me honors the light within you."
Leave it to me to prefer the longest version, lol.
As those of my friends who share a love of all things Middle Earth know, "Namárië" is the greeting in the Elvish language, Quenya, developed so beautifully by JRR Tolkien (who was, first and foremost, a linguist). The definition is said to be "farewell" but a direct root word translation is remember home.
Tolkien was well aware of the intricacies of how a language develops and how words take on additional meaning. I surmise that even more than "remember home while you're away" (or "I'll keep a lamp burning in the flet for you" lol), it is actually an acknowledgment of sameness. The home of the elvish heart was not Lothlorien, Imladris or Eryn Lasgalen, but beyond the sea to the West. That is the home the elves were returning to. So my translation of Namárië is"
"I acknowledge that you and I come from the same place and we will return to the same place, and when we hold that place in our hearts we are one"
Symbolically, Tolkien may very well have been considering the state of our eternal soul and "the West" as the place where we originated and to which we all return, but that is a philosophical discussion for another day.
For today it's enough to say, redundantly since to me they mean the same thing:
In your comings and goings, my dear ones, Namárië & Namaste.
And a bountiful Thanksgiving,
Estellye
- The Groove:Contemplative
- The Soundtrack:Namárië
Herself the Elfriend
estellye
- Estellye
Wisdom
I have never understood why we have to work so hard for things that seem so obvious. Why should you have to get up and make speeches to treat people right? ~Gertrude Weil
When you see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is not beneficial to go out and build more tunnel. ~John Quinton (paraphrased by Neal Donald Walsh)
Happiness sought eludes; happiness given returns. The pursuit of happiness is never successful because happiness is always a by-product. ~Ralph Waldo Trine
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~Anais Nin
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~Mother Teresa
If you ask an impertinent question, you are on the way to a pertinent answer. ~Jacob Bronowski
Life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy. ~Florence Scovel Shinn
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill
I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work...of course it doesn't work. It isn't supposed to work. We are supposed to work it. ~Alexander Woollcott
I believe in humanity. We are an incredible species. We're still just a child creature, we're still being nasty to each other. And all children go through those phases. We're growing up, we're moving into adolescence now. When we grow up - man, we're going to be something! ~Gene Roddenberry
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison
None of us lives in the real world, for there is no single world. We live in our world, one that is shaped by what we believe. Hopefully, as we live, truth unfolds in us, and when it does we are one step closer to the world God ordained for the human family. ~Jim Rosemergy
I can do no other than be reverent before everything that is called life. I can do no other than to have compassion for all that is called life. That is the beginning and the foundation of all ethics. ~Albert Schweitzer
At the center of the universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service. ~Fred Rogers
The truth is that we do not see the world as it is, but we see it as we are. ~Jim Rosemergy
We take a handful of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world. ~Robert Pirsig
Habit is the sixth sense that overrules the other five. ~ Arab Proverb
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. ~Lao Tzu
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. ~Margaret Mead
Negativity, anger, and an unquiet mind are the arrow shot at your heart, but only landed at your feet. Only you can choose to pick it up and stab yourself with it. ~Prince Siddhartha
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. ~Christopher Reeve
We shall find peace. We shall hear angels. We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds. ~Anton Chekov
Pathwalker, there is no path. You must make the path as you walk ~Antonio Machado
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle. ~John Quincy Adams
Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly ~Robert Schuller
The events in our lives happen in a sequence of time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order…the continuous thread of revelation. ~Eudora Welty
The true lovers of our universe have the courage to look into the darkness of their souls and love what they find there. This is what enables them to love unconditionally. Love may eventually show itself as tender and a light unto the earth and its inhabitants, but first it dwelt in darkness and was brave beyond words. ~Jim & Nancy Rosemergy
...For dark they stand, all woods there be must end at last, and see the open sun go past... ~JRR Tolkien from "The Fellowship of the Ring"
Do not fear mistakes – there are none.
~Miles Davis
Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.~Howard Thurman
Science explains the world, but only Art can reconcile us to it.~Stanislaw Lem
I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy! ~Louise Bogan
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. ~Colette
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important that I am afraid. ~Audre Lourdes
You cannot be totally committed sometimes ~A Course In Miracles
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston
Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about…say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe. ~Jalal Ud-Din Rumi
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
~Jalal Ud-Din Rumi
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. ~Seneca
A painting is never finished – it simply stops in interesting places. ~Paul Gardner
Our individuality is all, all that we have. There are those who would barter it for security, but blessed in the twinkle of the morning star is the one who nurtures and rides it, in grace and love and wit.
~Tom Robbin
I have made my world and it is a much better world than I ever saw outside. ~Louise Nevelson
A cloud does not know why it moves in such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion…this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. ~Richard Bach
Joy is all there is, all else is a preoccupation of ego and unworthy of my holy mind. ~ Doreen Virtue, Phd.
It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears. ~Helen Keller
Learning is a side-effect of joy.
~Thomas M. Disch
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. ~Epicurus
There is nothing beautiful or sweet or great in life that is not mysterious.~Francois Rene’de Chateaubriand
Only connect!…only connect the prose and the passion and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer! ~E. M. Forster
Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart.
~Lois McMaster Bujold
Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it. ~Anne DeLenclos
When there is no more separation between“this” and “that,” it is called the still-point of the Tao. At the still point in the center of the circle one can see the infinite in all things. ~Chuang Tzu
Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don’t live it, it won’t come out your horn. ~Charlie Parker
I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love, and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety, or fear try to call me, they will keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong
The soul is created in a place between Time and Eternity; with its highest powers it touches Eternity, with its lower Time. ~Meister Eckhart
When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul! ~Rabbi Harold Kushner
Let’s see what happens if you cook popcorn without a lid. ~Bill Waterson
When you see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is not beneficial to go out and build more tunnel. ~John Quinton (paraphrased by Neal Donald Walsh)
Happiness sought eludes; happiness given returns. The pursuit of happiness is never successful because happiness is always a by-product. ~Ralph Waldo Trine
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. ~Anais Nin
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~Mother Teresa
If you ask an impertinent question, you are on the way to a pertinent answer. ~Jacob Bronowski
Life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds, and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy. ~Florence Scovel Shinn
If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill
I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work...of course it doesn't work. It isn't supposed to work. We are supposed to work it. ~Alexander Woollcott
I believe in humanity. We are an incredible species. We're still just a child creature, we're still being nasty to each other. And all children go through those phases. We're growing up, we're moving into adolescence now. When we grow up - man, we're going to be something! ~Gene Roddenberry
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas Edison
None of us lives in the real world, for there is no single world. We live in our world, one that is shaped by what we believe. Hopefully, as we live, truth unfolds in us, and when it does we are one step closer to the world God ordained for the human family. ~Jim Rosemergy
I can do no other than be reverent before everything that is called life. I can do no other than to have compassion for all that is called life. That is the beginning and the foundation of all ethics. ~Albert Schweitzer
At the center of the universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service. ~Fred Rogers
The truth is that we do not see the world as it is, but we see it as we are. ~Jim Rosemergy
We take a handful of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world. ~Robert Pirsig
Habit is the sixth sense that overrules the other five. ~ Arab Proverb
Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. ~Lao Tzu
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. ~Margaret Mead
Negativity, anger, and an unquiet mind are the arrow shot at your heart, but only landed at your feet. Only you can choose to pick it up and stab yourself with it. ~Prince Siddhartha
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable. ~Christopher Reeve
We shall find peace. We shall hear angels. We shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds. ~Anton Chekov
Pathwalker, there is no path. You must make the path as you walk ~Antonio Machado
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle. ~John Quincy Adams
Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly ~Robert Schuller
The events in our lives happen in a sequence of time, but in their significance to ourselves, they find their own order…the continuous thread of revelation. ~Eudora Welty
The true lovers of our universe have the courage to look into the darkness of their souls and love what they find there. This is what enables them to love unconditionally. Love may eventually show itself as tender and a light unto the earth and its inhabitants, but first it dwelt in darkness and was brave beyond words. ~Jim & Nancy Rosemergy
...For dark they stand, all woods there be must end at last, and see the open sun go past... ~JRR Tolkien from "The Fellowship of the Ring"
Do not fear mistakes – there are none.
~Miles Davis
Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.~Howard Thurman
Science explains the world, but only Art can reconcile us to it.~Stanislaw Lem
I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy! ~Louise Bogan
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. ~Colette
When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important that I am afraid. ~Audre Lourdes
You cannot be totally committed sometimes ~A Course In Miracles
At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. ~Jean Houston
Inside you there’s an artist you don’t know about…say yes quickly, if you know, if you’ve known it from before the beginning of the universe. ~Jalal Ud-Din Rumi
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
~Jalal Ud-Din Rumi
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. ~Seneca
A painting is never finished – it simply stops in interesting places. ~Paul Gardner
Our individuality is all, all that we have. There are those who would barter it for security, but blessed in the twinkle of the morning star is the one who nurtures and rides it, in grace and love and wit.
~Tom Robbin
I have made my world and it is a much better world than I ever saw outside. ~Louise Nevelson
A cloud does not know why it moves in such a direction and at such a speed, it feels an impulsion…this is the place to go now. But the sky knows the reasons and the patterns behind all clouds, and you will, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons. ~Richard Bach
Joy is all there is, all else is a preoccupation of ego and unworthy of my holy mind. ~ Doreen Virtue, Phd.
It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears. ~Helen Keller
Learning is a side-effect of joy.
~Thomas M. Disch
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. ~Epicurus
There is nothing beautiful or sweet or great in life that is not mysterious.~Francois Rene’de Chateaubriand
Only connect!…only connect the prose and the passion and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer! ~E. M. Forster
Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart.
~Lois McMaster Bujold
Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it. ~Anne DeLenclos
When there is no more separation between“this” and “that,” it is called the still-point of the Tao. At the still point in the center of the circle one can see the infinite in all things. ~Chuang Tzu
Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don’t live it, it won’t come out your horn. ~Charlie Parker
I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health, love, and abundance. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety, or fear try to call me, they will keep getting a busy signal - and soon they'll forget my number. ~Edith Armstrong
The soul is created in a place between Time and Eternity; with its highest powers it touches Eternity, with its lower Time. ~Meister Eckhart
When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul! ~Rabbi Harold Kushner
Let’s see what happens if you cook popcorn without a lid. ~Bill Waterson
